The Devils Dandruff

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Never stop chasing your dreams..

Life for me at the moment is so so ! Still doing the same things so keep getting the same results...

I guess i should sit back and feel blessed that i am still alive, after doing some of the things i have put myself through !! i applied for a sales role last week but i didn't get a response. I guess my CV looks perfect until 2001 which was the last company i worked for.

I will be forty years old next year and i did not expect to be still doing the things i do still !!

When i go back through the blog archives, at times i really cannot believe how fast pace my lifestyle was. My life now is so much different to how it used to be which in a way can only be good.

But on the flip side the void in my new life is a killer. I am no longer part of the club scene that i have spent the last thirteen years totally wilding out too !

where did all those people go that i met along the way ?

The way i used to live my life, at the time suited me always riding alone it had to be that way. But now i feel like life has passed me by.

I have no one to love me, very few friends that stuck around and a lifestyle that at this moment in time was not worth what i had to sacrifice along the way.

I don't even look the way i am supposed to look like ! you will be shocked when i tell you this but its true i have become servilely overweight and this is killing me the most. I cannot believe that i have overcome one hurdle (cocaine) and replaced it with food.

I don't look right real talk ... i have well i did let it get out of control. When i sit here thinking back to as to what has happened i guess being lonely and having more time played a part.

However... On a brighter note don't sit back and talk about things do something to help yourself !! get the fuck out of my face people who moan about negative things.. go kick rocks !

I am now a very proud member of BOOT CAMP !! I guess being around a group of people that are in no way affiliated to my life is a beautiful thing.

I go three times per week 6pm until 6.45 which is every Mon,wed and Thursday. Even just having that stability of a few hours per week that i am totally not used to has been great.

Its tough and brutal at times but i have to stay focused. I have to loose money at times which hurts but it is a must. I drop bookings when they fall on the night before i have to go and train but so be it.

Do you realise that for the last nine years i have lived my life with not one bit of structure to it ?

I have basically been able to do what the hell i have wanted.No commitments no nothing to adhere too. That has been my downfall and i am starting to see the whole picture very clear.

Can you imagine never looking forward to a weekend,not knowing that its a bank holiday. Never having to set your alarm clock to wake up ? eating when you feel like it ? staying in bed and sleeping at times your life away ? always being aware that your neighbours must be saying shit about you or constantly being on their radar !!

That is the least of my problems which being until they pay my mortgage they cant say shit but it's always there. What the hell happened to the person i once was ?

Up until a few weeks i noticed how hard faced the industry had made me.

Constantly taking all those calls, in the end made me into someone i was not raised to be.

It is impossible in this industry to keep your real identity. Maybe if you are just an escort you can switch back and forth in and out of character but not when you constantly take all the calls.

I guess i should keep chasing the dream ! that was the whole purpose of me creating ''The Devils Dandruff '' Wasn't it ???

Nite Nite Love N Light Roxy xxx

roxyfoxy @ 5:42 am < 7 comments

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Cocaine, Champayne, Sex, Money and bullshit. Forget Belle De Jour, Bridget Jones who's she !! this is the real deal enjoy xx

: Name: roxyfoxy; Location: United Kingdom

Where the hell do i start ! Well i give a mint blow job !! For now ill just say ive been on a bender for the last 10 years i work in the adult industry and i live a mad life.

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