Tuesday, July 15, 2008
What is it all about ?
Good morning ! how are you doing ? I'm fine and dandy in fact just to let you know i just took like nearly an hour to cum !! WTF I'm sweating my tits off and panting like a bitch HA the sorry ass thing about the whole situation was i really have no good wanking material.That is not a good look i really have nothing worth flicking my bean over !!
I have to admit it but i really am not feeling entertaining clients at the moment. I am feeling so vulnerable and scared i really am i keep going into the horrors and freaking out on every booking Im going on. I have never felt so scared and paranoid in all the years i have been doing this shit. I am back to the point of wondering if i can keep living this sad lonely life. I have nothing to get up for in the mornings i am only staying alive for Maxwell. He is okay in fact he has never had it so good it is so chilled in the new house compared to life at the old place but something is missing. I started to look for a real job over the last few weeks but even that is a nightmare, i used to chase all of the top sales jobs and was very employable.
I feel like i have lost my confidence and think how on earth is some one going to employ me having been out of the game for nine years. The thought of even getting up on a Monday morning scares the hell out of me i have truly forgotten what it is like to do the nine to five. I am nearly 37 this year yup !! I'm way past my prime and sell by date in the industry, i used to be able to jump out of my bed at 3AM 5 AM ! not now by 1.00 AM i am ready to rest. I am finding it harder and harder to earn money the way i used to. There seems to be less calls and double the amount of Asian and foreign clients. I just cant go there i really cant,cuss my arse but i speak as i find. I do not entertain Asian clients they scare the shit out of me. Yup they really do, i have only ever in this industry had grief of Asian clients.
Why shouldn't i be allowed to say in my adverts ''No Asians'' but i cant !! its up too me who i choose to sleep with but unfortunately it doesn't work like that.
I am on such a downer at the moment i really wish that i didn't have Maxwell then maybe i could just go peacefully. But that is not the case he needs me and i could never just leave him. I just want to be happy but everything i touch turns to tears and pain.
I just wasted the best part of two years giving my all to a man that shattered my dreams. That was such a harsh thing to go through it really was. I put my whole life on hold waiting for him and he repayed me by lying cheating and totally making a fool out of me. I ask myself how could someone do that to a person that held them down for so long ?????????????
He had me fly on my own to see his silly ass in A whole new country on my own to treat me like a piece of shit and abandon me. It just doesn't make sense, I'm over it now but what was the reason for all of that. I don't have an answer i really don't.
Then i start thinking to myself maybe what goes around comes around ''You get out of life what you put in'' I'm no angel maybe in did someone some wrong i just don't no anymore.
I would say make sure you turn it into experience, a memory of what not to do and not baggage. It's easier to go on that way.
Don't beat your self over it. You will look at it a year from now and you will see a loser who lost the best thing of his life, and he will never have another chance at it. Be happy! It's over. You didn't get AIDS or other STD, no kids, no strings attahced. You are free! Find what makes YOU happy :)
: 8:02 am
Just deal with the Now, whats happened ya can't change the future is still out there ....
Hey ya still got all your mates in the DF of Urban 75 ;)
Take care, stay strong
Nicey (Mr_Nice)
My advice; chalk it up to experience, take a long look in the mirror and move on.
Life - It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come.
: 1:04 pm
about
Cocaine, Champayne, Sex, Money and bullshit. Forget Belle De Jour, Bridget Jones who's she !! this is the real deal enjoy xx
About Me
- Name: roxyfoxy
- Location: United Kingdom
Where the hell do i start ! Well i give a mint blow job !! For now ill just say ive been on a bender for the last 10 years i work in the adult industry and i live a mad life.
recently
- ''How could you ??
- OK ive been dabbling in the gimp scene WTF LOL
- He said on the phone he was very convincing ...
- Hideous !
- I think i would rather take wax over smeg any day !!
- The lords prayer
- ''If i dont see you through the week i'll see you ...
- Still no Green Card !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
- I never got hitched and he got big style ditched
- yes shes back like cooked crack
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